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Dictionary of
Important Words
AMNESIA:
A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to have sex
again.
BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy
to get up at 2 am too.
DEFENCE: What you'd better have
around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.
DROOLING: How teething babies wash their
chins.
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would
care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your
children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial
disaster
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the
baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when
you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your
children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them
right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when
anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of
labour is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to
be as long as they do everything we say.
LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for
your child to do by the time you scream it.
PRENATAL: When your life was still
somewhat your own.
PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in
terms.
PUDDLE: A small body of water
that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented
than yours.
STERILISE: What you do to your first
baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on
it.
STOREROOM: The distance required
between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't
quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to
a minimum so as to not upset the children.
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a
child wearing Superman jammies.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face
turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
VERBAL: Able to whine in
words
WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the
kids have worn you out.
WHODUNIT: tb, default of the kids that
live in your house.
WHOOPS : An exclamation that
translates roughly into "get a sponge."
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