Questions and Answers

Q: What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?
A: You can't unscrew a pregnant lady!

Q: Why does it take 450 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
A: Because they won't stop to ask directions.

Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married?
A: Newlywebs.

Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?
A: They got married in the spring.

Q: Why can't Barbie get pregnant?
A: Because Ken comes in a different box!

Q: Why is it more important for women to be pretty rather than smart?
A: Because men can see better than the they can think.

Q: What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common?
A: They were originally intended for children but it's the men who play with them.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapour-lock.

Q: Why are men like parking spaces?
A: The good ones are taken and the ones left over are handicapped.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because all those men already have boyfriends.

Q: Why are gingerbread men the best men of all?
A: They are cute. They are sweet. and if they give you any lip, you can bite their heads off.

Q: What's the difference between a Savings Bond and the typical male?
A: At some point, the Savings Bond will mature !

Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?
A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.

Q: Why is sex with someone new like a snow storm?
A: Because you never know when it will come, how deep it will be or how long it will last.

Q: Why are lifesavers better than men?
A: They come in five flavours.

Q: Why are men like trains?
A: They always stop before you get off.

Q: Why do bachelors like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know - it's never happened.

Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.

Q:Why did God put men on earth?
A:Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why are women so bad at judging distances?
A: Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 12 inches.

Q: A:What is the only time a man will think about a candlelight dinner?
A: When the power goes off.

Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: Sex is always better with someone you love.

Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A: His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q: Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds ?
A: Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a very thin woman?
A: The counterfeit bill is a phoney buck

Q: What did the bra say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead, I'm gonna give these two a lift

Q: Why is sex like winning at bridge?
A: You either need a good partner or a good hand.

Q: Why do we have orgasms?
A: How else would we know when to stop?

Q: How is an all-night stud different from a premature ejaculator?
A: One is good for seconds, the other is good for seconds

Q: How do you make 6 pounds of fat attractive?
A: Put a nipple on it.

Q: Why does the bride always wear white?
A: ...because it's always good for the dishwasher to match the fridge and stove

Q: How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding?
A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church

Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions?
A: Tear gas.

Q: Why did the raisin go out with the prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date

Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't ?
A: Her navel.