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Wedding Humour Selection
Grooms, once you get married remember that
when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two
words in: "Yes dear"
This married couple were travelling
down the highway at a very rapid pace, when a patrolman put on the siren and pulled them
over. The officer said to the husband "Can I see your license and registration"
The husband says " Why? I wasn't doing anything wrong.",
The patrolman replies "Sir I caught you on radar at 110 kilos an hour and the sped
limit is 80 in this zone, I'll have to give you a ticket."
Well the husband goes nuts saying that he wasn't speeding and the patrolman should be out
catching criminals instead harassing law abiding citizens that him and his wife.
The patrolman is trying to reason with the husband when the wife leans over and looks at
the patrolman and says
"You'll have to excuse my husband, he always gets like this when he has been
drinking"
Why can't women ski?
Because there isn't a ski slope between the kitchen and the bed room
Why can't women cross the road?
Who cares they shouldn't be out of the damn kitchen!
I believe that sex between two people
is a beautiful thing....between five its fantastic.
Love: that delightful interval between meeting a
beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock!
I haven't spoken to my Mother-In-Law for eighteen
months....I don't like to interrupt her
Q: What did the banana say to the dildo?
A: What the hell are you shaking for she's going to eat me?
The celebrant noticed that the bride
was in great distress so asked her what was wrong. She replied that she was nervous and
afraid she would not remember what to do. The celebrant told her that she only needed to
remember 3 things.
First the aisle, because that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking to the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were
horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words. . . Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him!)
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
Husband to wife: Why do you keep
reading our marriage license?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole
Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.
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