The Honeymooners (1)

The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. "I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table." Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a hint of a smile. "Yes," replied the girl, "much better." "Very good, darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you be so kind as to please pass the cunt."

The Honeymooners (2)

A man was to be married and his friends threw him a stag party. As usual there was much drinking and merriment. As the evening wore on, the man was dancing nude and hit his erect penis on the fireplace, knocking himself out. Concerned, his friends took him to the hospital. Following an examination, the emergency room physician told them that their friend's condition was stable, that he was bruised and sore, that the medical term for his injury was complicated but in layman terms, "He had broken his prick". They shouldn't worry though, because he had supported the injured part with 4 tongue depressors neatly bound with tape. The next day, the wedding was flawless and the bride was unaware of any problems. In their honeymoon suite, the bride was spread-eagled on the bed when her husband emerged from the bathroom and she said, "Come and get it , Honey, it's all yours. I'm untouched by any other, this is pure virgin wool". The groom smiled as he dropped his pyjamas as he said to her, "Check this out, Babe, still in the crate".

The Honeymooners (3)

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on." The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers." He replies, "And don't forget that, I will always wear the pants in the family!" The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!" He replies," I can't get into your knickers!" "And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."