A Dictionary For Women

Aaaack   (aak) interj.
An utterance upon running directly into a spider web first thing in the morning - and you don't know where the spider is.

Airhead  (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument  (ar*gyou*ment)  n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realised it yet.

Balance the chequebook  (bal*ens da chek*buk)  v.
To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

Bar-be-que  (bar*bi*q)  n
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but *he* "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes  (blond joks)  n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Clothes dryer  (kloze dri*yer)  n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda  (dy*it so*da)  n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity  (e*ter*ni*tee)  n.
The last two minutes of a basketball game.

Exercise  (ex*er*siz)  v
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List  (grow*ser*ee list)  n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hardware Store  (hard*war stor)  n
Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Patience  (pa*shens)  n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.  See also "tranquillisers".

Valentine's Day  (val*en*tinez dae)  n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.