Bits'n'Pieces

Three words guaranteed to destroy any man's ego: "Is it In?"
The three words most hated by men (after "Is it in?): Are you done?
Three words women hate to hear when having sex... "Honey, I'm home!"

A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Congratulations," said the nurse, "but don't you think this is enough?" The woman replied, "Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and an expert at making breakfast.

HER: Do you know whatever happened to the couple who met in the revolving door?
HIM: I think they're still going around together.

Did you hear about the bachelor who put on a pair of clean socks every day? At the end of the week he couldn't get his shoes on.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish...

A perfect wife: helps the husband with the dishes.

ADAM TO EVE: Hey! I wear the plants in this family!

My wife once asked her small-chested sister why she never wore a bra. Her sister replied, "If you didn't have feet, would you wear socks?"

HIM: "Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?"
HER: "Because you're never home when it happens."

The hostess of her bridge club got a last minute call from one of the players that she was sick. Unable to get a replacement on such short notice, she drafted her husband, a mediocre player with a bad attitude. During the game, he got up and went to the bathroom, leaving the door ajar. Everyone listened as he peed. Embarrassed, his wife called out, "John, would you please close the door!" John's partner said, "Never mind, it's the first time since we started playing that I've known what the man has in his hand."

Remember: It is better to be looked over than overlooked.